how to repair a broken marriage after an affair

How long does it take to repair a marriage after an affair?

Affair recovery is the process of healing a relationship mentally, emotionally, and physically after it has experienced infidelity. Affair recovery usually takes anywhere from six months to two years and is often a painful process yet a possible one for couples who possess humility, compassion, and tenacity.

What percentage of marriages recover from an affair?

But about 50% of partners who did have affairs are still married, compared to 75% of partners who never cheated. Men are less likely than women to divorce when there is an affair: 61% of men who cheated are still married, while 34% are separated or divorced.

Is it worth reconciling after an affair?

The bottom line is that reconciliation after infidelity isn't possible unless both parties commit to doing the work needed to build back trust and repair the relationship. But if each person isn't committed to that goal, they'll only patch things up on the surface level. The underlying problems will remain.

How do you survive a marriage after an affair?

9 Steps for the Betrayed SpouseAsk lots of questions. ... Balance your rage with your need for information. ... Set a time limit on affair talk. ... Expect curveballs. ... Talk about how the affair has affected you. ... Don't forgive quickly or easily. ... Find support. ... Spend time together without talking about the affair.More items...•

Does infidelity pain ever go away?

Research shows it takes about eighteen months to two years to heal from the pain of your partner's infidelity. Knowing that the pain isn't going away overnight can be helpful, and knowing that it will eventually end is also valuable in the healing process.

How Do I Stop overthinking after being cheated on?

Ways to stop overthinking after being cheated on1) Focus on the present moment. ... 2) Practice self-care. ... 3) Want advice specific to your situation? ... 4) Change your environment. ... 5) Accept the things you can't control. ... 6) Use positive affirmations to train your brain. ... 7) Improve the relationship you have with yourself.More items...•

Can husband fall back in love with wife after an affair?

The answer is a resounding YES, from personal experience. Not only from a clinical perspective is it possible, but from a personal, experiential perspective, it is possible for our hearts to beat with passion, romance, and joy for our spouse whom we've betrayed, and possibly even fallen out of love with.

How does a husband feel after cheating on his wife?

Among men, 68% feel guilty after having an affair. Even if they haven't confessed the affair, most cheating husbands will feel guilty and express that guilt in their behavior. You may notice subtle changes in their behavior that make you wonder if your spouse is displaying cheating husband guilt.

Will my marriage ever be the same after an affair?

Few marital problems cause as much heartache and devastation as infidelity, which undermines the foundation of marriage itself. However, when both spouses are committed to real healing, most marriages survive and many marriages become stronger with deeper levels of intimacy.

When should you not forgive a cheating spouse?

When to Walk Away After Infidelity: 7 Signs It Might Be Time To...Your Partner Doesn't Apologize. ... Your Spouse Doesn't Want to Get Counseling. ... Your Partner Doesn't Show Desire to Put in the Work. ... They are Still in Touch with the Person They Cheated on You With. ... Your Partner Doesn't Seem Committed to the Relationship.More items...•

What does cheating say about a person?

They lack respect towards others. Besides a lack of self-esteem, a cheater lacks respect towards others. The two are closely related. After all, if someone doesn't even respect themselves, how can they respect other people? A cheater engages in unethical behavior that hurts their partner by being unfaithful.

What are the stages of grief after an affair?

The stages of trust loss, applying the grief model to the aftermath of an affair, would be as follows:Denial. ... Anger. ... Bargaining. ... Depression. ... Acceptance. ... Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) ... Final thought.

Will my marriage ever be the same after an affair?

Few marital problems cause as much heartache and devastation as infidelity, which undermines the foundation of marriage itself. However, when both spouses are committed to real healing, most marriages survive and many marriages become stronger with deeper levels of intimacy.

How many relationships are successful after cheating?

According to Selfgrowth.com, the percentage of relationships that work after cheating is as high as 78%. That figure is about couples that don't break up right away. However, it didn't say how many eventually do after some time. There are examples of successful relationships after cheating.

How do you know if your marriage will survive infidelity?

15 Signs Your Marriage Will Survive InfidelityYou Are Working On Rebuilding Trust. ... You've Always Been Friends. ... You & Your Partner Make An Effort To Be Intimate. ... You Never Use The Words "Get Over It" ... You Are Willing To Give Up Passwords. ... You're Willing To Evaluate Your Relationship Before And After The Affair.More items...•

Do affairs that break up a marriage last?

While fewer than 25 percent of adulterers (i.e. cheaters) leave a marriage for an affair partner, according to one source, most of those relationships are statistically extremely unlikely to endure. This research suggests that only 1% actually achieve stability and happiness.

What to do after an affair?

After an affair you should first ask yourself if you are serious about staying in the relationship. If you really don't want to be together, it is better to end with respect and kindness than to prolong the suffering. If you are both willing, the marriage can recover with time and patience on both of your parts.

What happens when you end an affair?

Recognize that you might be experiencing a sense of deep loss when ending your affair. This is not a "negative sign" about your feelings toward your spouse. If the affair was ongoing, you may have strong feelings toward this person, even a sense of loyalty to them, or even feelings of betraying them (!) by ending it. This is not unusual, and it is part of the process of mending things in your marriage. Your feelings are your feelings. Recognize them, and move on.

How to answer your spouse's sexual questions?

Answer questions honesty. Your spouse will have a lot of questions to ask you. Be willing to answer all of them candidly, with the exception of the details of your sexual behavior. Describing these details to your spouse can imprint painful images in their mind, that are seldom useful.

What to do if you were absent from your spouse?

Provide support and assurance. If you were a rather absent spouse before, you will need to change your behavior. Being present in the relationship will be key to restoring your marriage to health.

How to break off contact with spouse?

If it hasn't happened already, break off contact with this other person on the telephone, in front of your spouse. Make it clear to this person that your spouse is present, but you are, in no way, feeling "pressured" to terminate contact with them. This is your own choice. Assert your dedication to healing your marriage. Be clear that you will not have contact again, or if this is impossible (if they are a work colleague or relative), spell out the boundaries you will put around this contact.

What to do when he says he is cheating?

He is either cheating or about to. Don't accept this behavior. Tell him he can consider you irrational all he wants, but the calls have to stop immediately.

How to apologize to your spouse?

Make a sincere, heartfelt, and serious apology, right away. Ask for forgiveness, and vow never to repeat the behavior. Understand that your apology probably won't comfort your partner, but the absence of a sincere apology will do damage. ...

How to end an affair?

Be accountable. If you were unfaithful, take responsibility for your actions. End the affair, and stop all interaction or communication with the person.

What does it feel like to discover an affair?

Discovering an affair. The initial discovery of an affair usually triggers powerful emotions for both partners, as well as a sense of loss. The partner who has been cheated on might feel traumatized by the betrayal of trust and obsessively think about the details of the affair.

What are some unaddressed marital problems?

Unaddressed marital problems, such as fear of intimacy or avoiding conflict

How to deal with infidelity?

Consult a marriage counselor. Seek help from a licensed therapist who is specifically trained in marital therapy and experienced in dealing with infidelity. Marriage counseling can help you put the affair into perspective, identify issues that might have contributed to the affair, learn how to rebuild and strengthen your relationship, and avoid divorce — if that's the mutual goal.

Why do affairs happen?

Many factors can contribute to infidelity, including: Lack of affection. Loss of fondness and caring for each other. Imbalance of give and take in the relationship. Breakdown of communication related to emotional and relationship needs.

How to reconcile a relationship with an unfaithful person?

Make a plan to restore trust and result in reconciliation. Agree on a timetable and process. If you were unfaithful, admit guilt and pursue authentic forgiveness. If your partner was unfaithful, when you are able, offer forgiveness. Together, seek understanding.

What to do if you think you might hurt someone?

If you think you might physically hurt yourself or someone else, seek professional help immediately. Give each other space. The discovery of an affair is always intense. You might find yourself acting erratically or unlike yourself as you attempt to grasp what has happened.

How to repair a marriage after cheating?

Here are 2 ways to repair a marriage after the betrayal of infidelity and cheating occurs. 1. Work with a therapist. It takes a trained therapist who understands that each partner lives in a different neighborhood. Each neighborhood has a different story with a unique history that created distinctive experiences.

What percentage of men would have an affair if they knew they would never get caught?

Meanwhile, 74 percent of men and 68 percent of women state they would have an affair if they knew they would never get caught.

What is the response to infidelity?

Too often, the common response to infidelity and unfaithfulness is this: " Get out of my bed, out of this house, and out of my life! I want a divorce!"

Why do we cross the bridge to our partner's neighborhood?

Crossing the bridge to your partner’s neighborhood allows one to discover their authentic self, perhaps for the first time. It encourages the survival role to recede and for the essence to emerge.

Can an affair be the result of a relationship?

First, it's important to acknowledge that an affair may be the result or manifestation of many underlying causes. Quite often, if partners could communicate their feelings in an open, honest manner to each other without criticism, judgment, or stonewalling, an affair might not have been the result.

Give Your Spouse Consideration Here

And from everyone we’ve talked to that has lived through this situation, and every article we’ve read, truer words couldn’t be written. Just because you don’t want to deal with the issue any longer, or you feel like you have dealt with it long and deeply enough, your spouse needs top consideration here. She or he is the one who was betrayed.

Articles to Help You

To help you further on this and other points, you will find links below to articles that we encourage you to read. Ask the Lord to help you learn what is important for you to apply in your heart, mind and actions.

Question to Consider

The following question was posed to author Anne Bercht on the subject of rebuilding trust:

Another Question

Here’s a portion of another question that you might be dealing with after you have had an affair:

Live AND Learn

In this journey to healing, you may be struggling forgiving yourself and finding a way to get beyond the hurt you have caused. But:

Another Question and Answer

This last article poses a question and then answers it as well. Author, Nancy C. Anderson was the person who had the affair. She has since spent her life helping others who are struggling in marriages rocked by infidelity.

How to talk about an affair with your spouse?

Talking about the Affair openly and honestly with your spouse Avoid blaming the person you cheated with for the affair Take ownership of your role in the affair Apologize for the hurt and pain you caused by having an affair Answering questions from your spouse about the affair regardless of your personal comfort Be willing to accept that you may need to give your spouse time to heal from the affair Understand that trust has been broken in the relationship and you may need to account for your whereabouts for a while Create a new meaning of intimacy in your marriage Work with spouse to create new rules for the marriage Agreeing to have no further contact with the person involved in the affair

How do affairs affect trust?

Affairs have the potential to crack the foundation of a marriage, breakdown communication , and destroy trust. Issues with trust can run so deep following an affair that the individual that cheated has to be willing to be accountable for his or her whereabouts, even though he or she thinks that may be unfair. There needs to be a willingness to make promises and commitments about the future, that an affair will not happen again. Too often, the person that cheated wants to quickly put the affair behind him or her, however, he or she needs to honor the timetable of his or her partner. The person who had the affair must examine the personal reasons for straying and what needs to change to avoid the temptation in the future.

How does infidelity affect a marriage?

For the married couples who experienced infidelity in their relationship it can be extremely difficulty to both forgive as well as overcome. Although, it may be difficult for partners that have been cheated on to forgive or get beyond the affair once it has been discovered or revealed, it is possible. Partners that are able to put the hurt and betrayal of the affair behind them can emerge as a stronger and more cohesive couple.

Why is it important to examine personal roles in an affair?

Examining personal roles in an affair is a delicate dance as it is often hard for the partner cheated on to see his or her role in the affair. The breakdown of communication and intimacy in a relationship lies with both partners , therefore, it is important to engage in personal examination of individual roles to best understand an affair.

Why do couples need counseling?

Counseling allows couples to talk about their relationship and the affair in a non-threatening environment. Spouses can learn the skills needed to improve communication, build trust, enhance intimacy, strengthen the foundation of their relationship, and decrease the likelihood of an affair in the future.

How does infidelity affect a relationship?

Whatever the reason for the affair, the effect of infidelity can be devastating on a relationship. Partners that are stuck in their pain and animus following betrayal in their relationship often experience a breakdown of the relationship. Learning how to appropriately communicate thoughts and feelings is an essential first step in getting ...

What should both people in a relationship take responsibility for?

As for moving forward, both people in the relationship should take responsibility for rebuilding trust, improving communication, creating barriers around their relationship, and enhancing intimacy.

What happens when you break a marriage?

Marriage, when functioning according to what we have laid out as the natural laws of marriage, produces so much happiness you can barely take it at times. But when you have a broken marriage you are only going to have those great feelings accidentally, and occasionally.

Why is my marriage failing?

One of the reasons you have a failing marriage (don’t pretend it is less than failing) is because you have not studied marriage, so you don’t understand it as a “thing”. When couples, or individuals, begin studying our marriage program you would be amazed at the positive feedback we get …right away!

Why is marriage better than ever?

Your marriage will become much better than it ever was because you learn what you need to know about yourselves and exactly what you must do to have happiness and love. Happiness and love are what you and your spouse should seek and have because those are why you got married in the first place.

What is the marriage analogy?

A marriage analogy would be learning that when your spouse speaks harshly to you, the first step is not to react. Since minds “react,” you cannot tell whose mind is reacting. It is not how either of you truly feels; it is just a momentary, dangerous situation, a pitfall.

What is marriage education?

Marriage Education Is Your Marriage Insurance. You have to start your marriage education with knowledge of the possible dangers, the pitfalls. It is like going on a hike and knowing which rocks may be hiding a rattlesnake, or knowing which berries are poisonous, so you can avoid them.

What happens when you work on your marriage together?

Even when couples work on their marriage “together” it is the individual effort one makes on themselves that really heals the marriage. You inevitably reinvent yourself. Then, when you know how to be married, you have a great marriage.

Why are marriage counseling sessions not productive?

Your sessions will not be productive because “human nature” is such that taking blame is very tough, and in those sessions couples are, at best, trying to find “fair”, which does not exist. In fact you will end up going deeper into your broken marriage, as the marriage counselors rarely are well trained.

How to get your wife back after an affair?

Another thing men who have cheated seek is how to make their wives love you again. Winning your wife back after an affair only takes a few strategies.

How do I reconnect with my wife after an affair?

The first step to rebuilding a marriage after infidelity or winning your wife back after an affair is to be genuinely sorry. Yes! There is no point in restoring marriage after an experience if you don’t feel remorseful about it.

How to restore marriage after affair?

20 ways to help restore your marriage after an affair. it’s one of the most difficult things a couple can go through. Some marriages won’t survive an affair, unfortunately. In fact, I remember reading- only 1 in 3 marriages affected by an affair will make it. But I truly believe it’s because they didn’t have the right tools to know HOW to recover. ...

How to break off an affair with an unfaithful spouse?

No phone calls, text, No Contact at all. (You can read more details on how to break off an affair here.) 2. Distance yourselves from anyone who is not for your marriage surviving or who speaks negatively about your spouse. 3. Get a good counselor.

How to heal a marriage?

5. The unfaithful spouse must be willing to be completely transparent about everything. No secrets. Be accountable for time out. Limit time out alone, if possible.

What is yours after infidelity?

Yours can be one of those marriages that survives and thrives after infidelity. Ours was one of those marriages.

How to express love and appreciation to your spouse?

Find ways to express love and appreciation to your spouse. Think back to why you fell in love to begin with. Do the things you did in the beginning. Talk kindly to one another, be giving and helpful. Find ways to serve each other.

Can you do the work for your spouse after an affair?

You can’t do the work for your spouse, and your spouse can’t do the work for you. That can be the hard part about healing a marriage after an affair. It takes two that are committed to working on their own part, all while feeling the. pain that infidelity brings. But it does get easier, I promise.

How to fix a broken marriage?

Identify what made you fall in love. Start to listen to each other again. Reflect on what has made your marriage feel broken. Talk to each other. Don’t let distractions get in the way of your relationship. Find a way to connect again. It’s a horrible feeling when you recognize that things aren’t working in your marriage.

How to deal with a marriage that is falling apart?

If your marriage is on the verge of falling apart, you must strengthen your connection by communicating more. The death of communication can drive a wedge between you and your partner. Infidelity. Cheating on your partner can be an ultimate deal-breaker.

Why do marriages fall apart?

Identifying the causes of a broken marriage is important in order to fix one. These are some of the reasons why marriages fall apart: Communication gap. Lack of communication can be extremely damaging to a relationship.

What causes a marriage to fall apart?

This can cause a marriage to fall apart. Crisis. Crisis situations can either make a marriage stronger or it can break it. In difficult times, how couples support each other determines how good or bad their relationship is going to become. When partners don’t support each other, it shows they are in a failing marriage.

What does it feel like to have a failing marriage?

It’s a horrible feeling when you recognize that things aren’t working in your marriage. A failing marriage is the worst relationship catastrophe that you can imagine. It leaves a trail of pain, anguish, and disenchantment.

What happens if you don't support each other?

When partners don’t support each other, it shows they are in a failing marriage. Even if a relationship has gone through such problems, saving a broken marriage is not impossible. There are plenty of circumstances for which you can work through even though they have chipped away at the marriage to this point.

What is the marriage.com course?

If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.