how to repair a marriage after betrayal

Repairing a Relationship After a Betrayal

• Address the Problem. When couples are working through infidelity, lies or betrayal, men and women often go through a period of emotional instability, in which they blame themselves and doubt ...
• Investigate the Cause. ...
• Take Ownership. ...
• Apologize, Forgive and Move On. ...

Full Answer

What are the stages of healing from infidelity?

Stage 1: When you discover the affair. “This is the day you find out that your partner has been cheating on you. This is the toughest part of the process and yet, this can be the moment you decide to heal. This is also a phase of shock and your physical and emotional self will be reeling.

How to get over betrayal in a relationship?

How to heal after betrayal: 5 steps to mend a broken heart

1. Be gentle with yourself. It sounds clichéd but being gentle with yourself through a difficult emotional time is the best way to begin the healing process.
2. Regain faith in who you are. If your partner has cheated on you, it can bring a deep sense of shame and humiliation. ...
3. Stop asking questions. ...
4. Communicate your feelings and needs. ...

More items...

How to save a marriage after infidelity?

This idea of a marriage gap year is something I have come across before. The sister of a very good friend took a break from her marriage. She and her husband had met when they were in their late teens and once the children had left home, they found they wanted to lead different lives.

How to get over betrayal by spouse?

Surviving betrayal: 11 ways to get over an affair

1. Treat the old relationship like an addiction. “Throw out all those cards and letters you’ve stored away in a box," Fisher says. ...
2. Don't show up any place you expect to see your ex.
3. Go out with old friends who love you. ...
4. Get more exercise. ...
5. Take an Advil. ...
6. Share all passwords and give full cell phone access. ...
7. Share every detail of the betrayal. ...

How do I reconnect with my husband after betrayal?

Here are a few important actions to take together that can help repair your relationship.Make sure there is remorse.Be honest about why it happened.Remove temptations to re-engage with the affair.Move forward with brutal honesty and care.Be selective about who you tell.Consider working with a licensed therapist.

Can a relationship heal after betrayal?

Conclusion. Relationships can heal from infidelity. The process is not without its challenges, but it is possible. A couple typically does best when they are determined to work through the pain to get to the healing on the other side.

How long does a marriage last after infidelity?

A study conducted by the American Psychological Association showed that among married couples who experienced infidelity but then underwent couples therapy, 53% were divorced after 5 years. By comparison, only 23% of couples who did not experience an affair were divorced after 5 years, which is a huge disparity.

How long does it take to rebuild trust after betrayal?

Recovering from betrayal is a difficult process and requires lots of work. Time helps! In the case of affairs, it typically takes 18 months from the time the affair is discovered to start really feeling better. Begin healing as soon as you can.

Does infidelity pain ever go away?

Research shows it takes about eighteen months to two years to heal from the pain of your partner's infidelity. Knowing that the pain isn't going away overnight can be helpful, and knowing that it will eventually end is also valuable in the healing process.

How long does Betrayal Trauma last?

Recovering from betrayal trauma is not something that can be done in a day or two. On average, it usually takes between eighteen months to three years to absolutely recover, especially with a lot of help and moral support.

How Do I Stop overthinking after being cheated on?

Remember that it's okay to take your time to heal and trust your own process because your feelings are unique to you and your life. Feel the emotions, grow, and move on....Work Through Your Feelings. ... Don't Blame Yourself. ... Don't Live in the Past. ... Think About What You Want. ... Take Care of Yourself. ... Don't Be Afraid to Ask for Help.

What should you not do after infidelity?

The 7 Deadly Sins: What Not To Do After an AffairTell Your Entire Family & All Your Friends.Make Life Altering Decisions.Obsess Over the Other Affair Partner.Blame Yourself.

Should I stay with my husband after he cheated?

Experts like Nelson agree the only reason to stay with a cheating spouse is if he or she is deeply and genuinely sorry for the betrayal and willing to work for your forgiveness. This means they show they understand the pain you went through after learning about the affair, Dr.

How can I trust my partner again?

How to rebuild trust in a relationshipHave a willingness to work on the relationship. ... Openly apologize. ... Reflect on the experience. ... Create new memories. ... Remember that people can be trusted. ... Ask for what you need. ... Be willing to be vulnerable. ... Reignite the connection.More items...•

What should a cheater do to regain trust?

The unfaithful partner must:Be honest, use full disclosure about the affair, and find a way to atone or express remorse.Deal with the traumatic feelings after the discovery and be willing to ask and answer questions.Must end the affair.Be willing to apologize for cheating in a sincere way and promise not to repeat it.

How long before trust is restored?

Rebuilding trust takes a significant amount of time and patience. It might take us several months or even years to fully be able to trust our loved one again. Along the way, we need to continue working on reestablishing trust slowly under the guidance of family counselors.

Does betrayal change a person?

The effects of betrayal include shock, loss and grief, morbid pre-occupation, damaged self-esteem, self-doubting, anger. Not infrequently they produce life-altering changes.

How do you mend a broken heart after betrayal?

How to heal after betrayal: 5 steps to mend a broken heartBe gentle with yourself. ... Regain faith in who you are. ... Stop asking questions. ... Communicate your feelings and needs. ... Plan your emotional recovery.

How do you get past the betrayal in a relationship?

15 steps to get over betrayalAcknowledge the betrayal. ... Name your emotions. ... Don't blame yourself. ... Spend some time apart. ... Grieve the loss of trust. ... Avoid the temptation to retaliate. ... Open up to someone you trust. ... Develop a game plan to overcome betrayal.More items...•

What is betrayal trauma in a relationship?

MD. Betrayal trauma is a type of trauma that refers to the pain and emotional distress that occurs when a trusted institution, loved one, or intimate partner violates someone's trust. Betrayal trauma may occur alongside things like gaslighting and lead to anxiety and depression.

How does a betrayal affect a relationship?

Repairing a Relationship After a Betrayal. Betrayals, lies and hurtful feelings can significantly affect an intimate relationship. In fact, emotional pain is often comparable to physical pain when a breach of trust occurs, according to Steven Stosny in the Psychology Today article, "Healing From Intimate Betrayal.".

How to deal with a betrayal in a relationship?

Investigate why and how the betrayal occurred to get to the root of the problem. If you feel trapped or suffocated by the relationship, communicate this feeling with your partner. It may be that you both need to establish boundaries or time alone to feel more independent. Recognize your communication patterns and avoid defensive behavior when communicating with each other. If disagreements ensue, consider discussing underlying issues within the relationship with a mediator or professional counselor. Ideal recovery after a betrayal relies on establishing trust with one another, but more importantly, learning to trust your own instincts, seek out support or relationship counseling and focus on self-care to build your own sense of self, Weiss says.

What is emotional instability?

When couples are working through infidelity, lies or betrayal, men and women often go through a period of emotional instability, in which they blame themselves and doubt their feelings and intuition, according to Robert Weiss in the PsychCentral article,"Understanding Relationship, Sexual, and Intimate Betrayal as Trauma (PTSD).".

How to recover from a betrayal?

Ideal recovery after a betrayal relies on establishing trust with one another, but more importantly, learning to trust your own instincts, seek out support or relationship counseling and focus on self-care to build your own sense of self , Weiss says.

How to show remorse for your actions?

A sincere apology shows that you are remorseful for your actions. Begin moving toward rebuilding a healthy relationship by offering an apology, identifying the actions you regret. If your partner is apologetic, agree to forgive him or her and prepare to put the betrayal behind you.

How to end an affair?

Be accountable. If you were unfaithful, take responsibility for your actions. End the affair, and stop all interaction or communication with the person.

How to help someone with an affair?

Marriage counseling can help you put the affair into perspective, identify issues that might have contributed to the affair, learn how to rebuild and strengthen your relationship, and avoid divorce — if that's the mutual goal. Restore trust. Make a plan to restore trust and result in reconciliation.

What does it feel like to discover an affair?

Discovering an affair. The initial discovery of an affair usually triggers powerful emotions for both partners, as well as a sense of loss. The partner who has been cheated on might feel traumatized by the betrayal of trust and obsessively think about the details of the affair.

Why do affairs happen?

Many factors can contribute to infidelity, including: Lack of affection. Loss of fondness and caring for each other. Imbalance of give and take in the relationship. Breakdown of communication related to emotional and relationship needs.

How to reconcile a relationship with an unfaithful person?

Make a plan to restore trust and result in reconciliation. Agree on a timetable and process. If you were unfaithful, admit guilt and pursue authentic forgiveness. If your partner was unfaithful, when you are able, offer forgiveness. Together, seek understanding.

What to do if you think you might hurt someone?

If you think you might physically hurt yourself or someone else, seek professional help immediately. Give each other space. The discovery of an affair is always intense. You might find yourself acting erratically or unlike yourself as you attempt to grasp what has happened.

What emotions do you feel when you have an affair?

The initial discovery of an affair usually triggers powerful emotions for both partners such as anger, betrayal, shame, depression, guilt or remorse. It is usually difficult at this time to think clearly enough to make long-term decisions. Consider the following:

How to avoid repeating mistakes in a relationship?

You have to stop thinking about what your partner did wrong and start reflecting on your own actions. Being able to identify your own shortcomings will allow you to avoid repeating mistakes in the future. Advertisement.

Can you go back to a past lover?

If you want a fighting chance to reunite with a past lover, you cannot go back to them offering the same, broken relationship dynamic that you two had before. You have to learn a new way of being in relationship—one that is more rewarding for your partner and ultimately better for you.

What happens when an affair rocks your marriage?

When an affair rocks the security of your marriage, it can be a disaster. Emotions like anger, denial, confusion, betrayal and bitterness can, in an instant, replace what you may have thought to be a loving relationship. The damage is undeniable. Much like a couple facing the external ravages of a tornado or flood on their home, ...

How to deal with infidelity?

Connection starts with communication and improving the way you interact overall. Work with your therapist to uncover the cracks in the way you talk to each other, manage conflict, and deal with change.

What to do if you are unfaithful?

If you were unfaithful, be as honest and transparent as possible. You must not continue hiding anything. Full disconnect from the unfaithful partner is non-negotiable. Deception or resistance to facing the hurt you caused, in any form, will compromise the marital work to come.

How to deal with a hurt partner?

If you are the hurt partner, you must require truth from your partner and from yourself. Denial or an unwillingness to deal with your own emotional fallout won’t secure the solid recovery you hope for. Tell each other the truth. Willingly provide answers if you cheated.

Is it good to be a post-affair?

However, before restoration occurs, post-affair work requires vulnerability, transparency and a certain measure of sitting with your brokenness. It doesn’t feel good.

First Steps

Cheating in a marriage can have a considerable impact on the relationship. Whether the affair was casual or emotional, it will almost always negatively alter how your partner feels about you. If your marriage has survived infidelity, but something is still off — you may need to intentionally repair it after cheating.

5 Ways To Repair Your Marriage After Cheating

It’s essential to take the time to heal from this betrayal and work towards a future together.

How to betray your marriage?

Although it would be easy to slide into the blame game, you need to own your choices and set all excuses aside. Attempt to empathize with your spouse. Your husband or wife will have many emotional responses to your unfaithfulness.

How to rebuild trust with your spouse?

Be completely honest and transparent with your spouse. Although answering questions with complete honesty and openness seems counter-intuitive, it is an essential part of rebuilding trust with your spouse. Tell the whole truth about the affair, honestly explaining how it transpired and then how you have ended it.

How to defend yourself and your spouse?

Although you will likely want to defend yourself or fight back, it’ s essential that you do everything you can to be empathetic and understanding of your spouse. Try to validate his or her pain, showing compassion and tenderness; understanding that your choices have caused the turmoil your spouse is experiencing.

Is marriage stronger than before?

The truth is, your life and marriage can be better and stronger than it was before. In fact, thousands of marriages, situations as complex and painful as yours, have been transformed with the help of professionals who understand where you are right now and care deeply about you and your spouse’s future.

Is there hope for marriage?

There Is Still Hope for Your Marriage. You may feel that there is no hope for your marriage and the hurt is too deep to restore the relationship and love that you once had. The truth is, your life and marriage can be better and stronger than it was before.

How do I reconnect with my wife after an affair?

The first step to rebuilding a marriage after infidelity or winning your wife back after an affair is to be genuinely sorry. Yes! There is no point in restoring marriage after an experience if you don’t feel remorseful about it.

How long does it take for a wife to get over an affair?

Another question men who have cheated on their wives ask is how long it takes for their wife to forgive their infidelity. Well, no one size fits all in answering this question. The duration to forgive a cheating partner varies from one individual to another.

How to get your wife back after an affair?

Another thing men who have cheated seek is how to make their wives love you again. Winning your wife back after an affair only takes a few strategies.

15 ways to win your wife back after cheating

The first step in winning your wife back after an affair is to create room for a healthy conversation. The importance of communication can’t be overemphasized in rebuilding a marriage after infidelity.

What does it mean to not play the blame game?

This isn’t the time to play the blame game. To harp on the infidelity means holding on to fire and expecting not to get burned. Not playing the blame game to rebuild trust after an affair means you’ll avoid using phrases like: ‘at least I didn’t cheat’ or ‘once a cheater, always a cheater’.

What does it mean to rebuild a marriage after infidelity?

Rebuilding a marriage after infidelity means talking about the affair. This step is uncomfortable, not only for you, but more so for your mate. Your spouse does not delight in knowing that you were curled up and snugged in someone else’s bed, but talking about the infidelity is a part of the healing process.

What does it mean to be a union?

A union is woven together by two imperfect individuals. That means a family will have problems. If you’ve taken a conscious decision to fix your marriage, that takes grit and courage. Maybe you’re the one who cheated, or the spouse who was cheated on.

What happens after an affair?

Betrayal by your spouse will likely cut deeper than a knife. After the affair, you’ll struggle to deal with your emotions: anger, stress, dejection, rejection, bitterness, and others. While you’re bitter about the affair, you’re willing to rebuild your marriage and trust again.

What does it mean to work together in a marriage?

You both need to be working together to rebuild the trust that once was. Working together also means taking communication to the next level, being more transparent and open, and learning what’s needed to create a prosperous relationship.

What is the goal of a counselor?

Seek professional help. The goal of a counselor or therapist is to help you deal with these situations. You’ll be in a safe space where you can pour out your heart.

Can you rebuild trust after an affair?

It’s not an easy journey to take, but if you and your mate love each other, it’s a trek worth taking. Like many couples, you can rebuild trust after an affair in your marriage by heeding the sound advice to follow.

Why did I cheat on my husband

When you take the vow of marriage, until death do us part, there is a commitment to validate one another throughout all of life’s challenges, including cheating on one’s husband.

Should you save your marriage

Saving a marriage after infidelity is one of life’s major decisions. Cycles of cheating can be difficult to break, questioning the spouse’s ability or even desire to repair their marriage.

15 ways how to save my marriage after I cheated on my husband

How to save my marriage after I cheated on my husband. How do I fix it?